I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
