It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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