Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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