It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
