Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Someone came in the potted fern
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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