He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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