There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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