My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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