True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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