He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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