if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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