Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
