best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Randomize
