I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
