i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
