did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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