exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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