I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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