he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
