i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize