Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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