a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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