Just fell off a train. Bad.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
