I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize