I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
