check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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