Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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