So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
