Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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