Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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