Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
