Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
