she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
