You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
