He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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