shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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