It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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