I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
