I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
