he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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