she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
