"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
