I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
