Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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