I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
