So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
