Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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