When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My vagina just clenched in fear
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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