How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
