6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize