he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I AM VODKA MAN
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
