i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just google imaged poop.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
