i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
