The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
