I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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