normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
