she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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