Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize