Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize