I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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