woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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