I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
