Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My breasts were aching with rage.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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