I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Couch. On fire.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
