it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
