I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
