so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize