need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
