oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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