I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
