I want to have your abortion
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
