being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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