the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
