So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize