I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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