I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
