What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
