I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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