I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to calm my uterus...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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