not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
