Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
