Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
