I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
