At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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