You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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