Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
