i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
