my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
